creating

Somehow I forgot...I got a little lost...and life just sort of happened and I found myself listening to other people and thinking: I used to be well spoken and have 'deep thoughts'. I used to feel [overly]confident in my intellect and my ability to communicate my thoughts through words, pen or brush stroke. I found myself wondering what happened to that highly intellectual girl who majored in Theology and minored in Philosophy and Studio Art, and who relished nothing more than a deep conversation over a cup of coffee or around a roaring fire. Where did she go?

And then I remembered. I heard her tiny little voice squeaking out through random craft projects I would do around the house. 'One day' projects that could be accomplished during a night of watching netflix, or simple handcrafts, or even when trying a new recipe. She was still there, stuck in the corners of myself, trying to connect.

And today, I did it. I picked up a paint brush and there she/I was. It was as if every brush stroke brought a rush of emotion and thought to the surface. The backyard was quiet, the clouds were illumunated in peach, purple and magenta by the setting sun. But inside my soul, an awakening was happening.

No wonder I have done my best in the classes when I doodled the most. Those notebooks covered in random wandering sketches as my mind opened to the teacher's lesson. A simultaneous act of creating while taking in the world around me...this is how I learn best. This is when I think most clearly. This is when inspiration and connection with my own Creator occurs. When I myself am creating.

This is what it's like to be 'right-brained', and I had honestly forgotten how good and normal and comforting it is. I am sitting in a toddler's disheveled living room, with puzzles and blocks scattered everywhere...but it's no wonder I have been buying every type of crayon I can get my hands on for little H. My latest discovery, dry-erase board crayons, are my personal favorite. And they are all over my living room. I guess I wasn't totally lost, but it's good to be back in that creative space again...even if all I am doing is refinishing a coffee table!

my studio this evening.