office expressions.

musings from my experience at the home/office.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Do I Smell Funny?

There have been a few rather disgusting times during my life in the Land of Cubicles that someone has asked me, "Do I smell funny?". Not a question you EVER want to have asked of you by someone at werk, for multiple awkward reasons.

1) If I say yes, does this impact my performance review? Do you want an honest answer or will you get mad and hold it against me in a professional outlet of some sort?
2) Do I want to even know why you are asking this question, and if so, what do YOU think you smell like? When in doubt, don't ask, just make the situation better.
3)Traditionally, there are 4 things you should never discuss with co.werkers: religion, politics, money, and body odor.

If you went tanning on your lunch break and are afraid you smell like gym socks and fake coconut, you PROBABLY do. Don't ask me to smell you.

If you went jogging on your lunch break and are worried you messed up your hair and probably smell like you were just sweating for the past hour, you PROBABLY do. Don't ask me to smell you.

I can remember one time in the history of my werk life that I have asked someone to smell me, and it was the day I switched to an organic shampoo that smelled so strongly of pitchouli I was afraid my boss could smell my hippie hair from across the room. She actually offered to smell my hair, and said it just smelled 'herbal'. On this particular day, I was thankful to werk in a place where 95% of my co.werkers don't know the true smell behind the description of 'herbal'. You just don't get a lot of exposure to that growing up at Michael W. Smith Concerts...

Recently I have been making it a habit of going to the gym for an hour a day. Usually I go in the middle of the day so that I don't have to be anxious about jockeying for equipment usage with the after-werk crowd. I wake up, werk a few hours, roll into my werk-out clothes, and head to the gym. Typically I shower after my werk-out, but the nicest part is, I don't have to be worried about whether or not I smell like a gym-rat when I get back to my home office.

Do I smell funny? Guess what, even if I do, I'm pretty sure Jake and Lexi don't really care, and the people on my conference calls can't even see me let alone smell me. One more perk of being the home.werker.
Consider ordering these clever "Notices" from Etsy if you think you can get away with it at your office...

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